In the past my art has been made for mainly 2 reasons. The first was usually as gifts for friends, heavy ass gifts emblazoned with skulls and sharp edges capable of inflicted deep tissue lacerations, but gifts nonetheless. The second reason was as home decor because I’m too cheap to go to Hobby Lobby and buy some wicker baskets to spruce the place up.

My new reason for making art is to get my friend Kevin and my mother to shut the hell up about how I should be making art and selling it. I’d say they mention it about twice a month and this is an experiment to see if they are correct and I can indeed sell my art, or if they are wrong and I can tell them to be quiet already. In one scenario I get to be right, in the other I get to be wrong but I get money, which is kind of like a superior version of being right where it doesn’t matter how wrong you are because you’re holding a fistful of cash.

On to the sculpture itself. A lot of people list ordinary items on Ebay and Etsy claiming they have supernatural powers, are haunted or inhabited by ghosts of concentration camp victims, etc. I once saw a “Haunted” hope chest that claimed it was a WW2 item that smelled like piss sometimes. Unlike all the haunted crap on Ebay, this piece boasts some actual, real, quantifiable badassery so forget all those pee smelling antiques and listen up –
It is nearly 6 feet long and it weighs about as much as a teaspoon of supernova and is suitable for use as a murder weapon, and not in the Clue “In the drawing room with a candlestick” sense, but in the “When dropped from an aircraft onto a third world nation for purposes of genocide/ethnic cleansing” sense.

The unistrut used in the construction as well as the diamond plate are from my armored hearse, Alexi, so years from now when I am absurdly rich and famous you can brag that you own something that has pieces of my car on it. The gear in the center has its own story, a story that cost me 3 days of freedom and I am not going to go into for anyone who hasn’t paid for the piece, let’s just say it’s an interesting story and leave it at that.

So there you have it, this piece is for sale at $300. You can pick it up locally or I can ship it to you at cost. Any interested parties can contact me at I accept Paypal and credit/debit cards for payment. Giant piles of cash are also acceptable.


About zacharybyronhelm

Urban explorer, hearse driver, media whore, writer, film maker and general ne'er do well.
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One Response to

  1. Franxisco Bautista says:

    what ever happened to my funeral flag order of 2/7/13

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